The Nick of Time — An Excerpt

I was swaying to the beat of the music and enjoying watching my friends enjoying themselves when I noticed Nicole making her way to the center of the room.

She lifted her glass up and tapped on it with a fork that she had removed from the buffet. "May I have your attention ladies?" When she didn’t get everyone’s attention she repeated the words a little louder. "Ladies please…your attention." When nearly everyone was quiet and most eyes were focused on her she started to speak.

"As you know, we have all gathered here at the request of our friend… our dear friend Fiona." The waitress or someone filled my glass again without being asked. I continued to sip (gulp …if you want to know the real truth) the sweet champagne as I looked towards Nicole with anticipation and amusement. Even in the dimly lit room I could see that she was up to something.

"Fiona is newly divorced. It is a widely publicized fact that Fiona’s husband was screwing around. Don’t pretend to be surprised ladies they all do it at some point. Well, not my husband." Everyone in the room laughed at her exaggerated denial. " But then Fiona doesn’t know how to please a man like I do." Everyone laughed harder at the joke, including me…because believe me it was a joke.

"Some of us feel that Fiona should have known a long time before she actually admitted it to herself that Wilson was cheating on her. Right now ladies we will review the goings on the last few months of her marriage in something we will call Fiona you should have known he was cheating when…" Nicole took a good look at me before continuing. I could tell she was trying to make sure that I was o.k. with her little game. I was…so I smiled into my glass and nodded my head for her to go on.

"I’ll start, and then I’ll open the floor to you ladies." She cleared her throat dramatically to signify the start of the game. She shook her head, feigning sadness. "Fiona you should have known he was cheating when he came back from his fraternity reunion and you found condoms in his luggage. He told you that the condoms weren’t for him, but for the brother’s who didn’t practice safe sex. Whenever he saw one of them going off with some skeezer he would offer them one. When he offered you up that bullshit, you should have known he was cheating." There was more laughter in the room before Lenny, another long-term friend, spoke up.

"You should have known he was cheating when you woke up one night and discovered him having phone sex in the kitchen." The laugher continued as more women said their two-cents worth.

"You should have known he was cheating when you found that black bra and panty set in his briefcase, and he told you he didn’t know how it got there."

"You should have known he was cheating when you found a receipt in his pocket showing that he had bought women’s underwear on his credit card, and he told you that his secretary had started her period at work and he let her use his credit card to buy what she needed instead of letting her go home." The "should have known’s" got more outrageous. And I was laughing so hard that tears were running down my cheeks.

"You should have known he was cheating when his secretary called you at home and said, are you stupid Bitch? I’m fucking yo husband."

"You should have really known he was cheating when your received a certified package in the mail from the secretary. The note said … enclosed you will find a picture of me fucking yo husband, and the picture was of her fucking yo husband!"

"You should have known he was cheating on you when you asked him and he said,

Baby, I would never cheat on you."

"You finally did know he was cheating when you walked into his office and said what the hell are you two doing, and the secretary looked up and said, "we’re screwing what does it look like?" It took about 10 to 15 minutes for everyone who had something to say to say it. I don’t know if it had something to do with the usually large volume of champagne that I had consumed, but that shit was funny to me. Not all of it had actually happened, but enough of it had happened to prove the saying " hindsight is 20/20". I was not the only one in the room doubled over with laughter.

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